Housing Director Blames Recent Mold Cases on 5G Radiation
Students received an email last week encouraging them to attend rallies to tear down 5G towers.
Car Outside South Housing Becomes Sentient, Decides It No Longer Wants to Travel.
Even the all-powerful Officer 21 could not convince it to move.
Ask Krista: What To Do With Your Extra Halloween Candy
There are many creative uses of extra candy.
Greenville Police Caught Having Pizza Party Outside Furman University
The donut and coffee social was last week.
FRAD, Mad on Power, Begins Demanding Student Sacrifices
Furman struggles with the culture of human sacrifice.
Audit: $300K Embezzled From FUSAB Over 5 Year Span
When asked for a comment, FUSAB President Elizabeth Holmes invited the Horse’s writers to discuss the matter at Peddler Steakhouse.
Stop the Steal! SGA Candidates Claim Election Fraud
A march on the Trone Student Center and SGA Offices has been mentioned on several student chat-boards.
Core Institute Intensifies Survey Response Tactics
“It’s been three days since I last saw my best friend, but I just don’t have this time for this survey.”
President Davis Refuses to Commit to Peaceful Transition of Power
President Davis refused to commit to a peaceful transition of power, saying “We’re going to have to see what happens.”
Furman Senior Says, “I just Want to Feel Something”: Pulls Fire Alarm at 5AM to Hang out with Friends
“It felt like a normal senior year for just a second”
Record Number of Students Sleep Through Class After Cramming for COVID Test the Night Before
When asked if there would be a study guide due to the late notice for the COVID test, an administrator responded, “this is not high school, there are no study guides.”
Squirrels, Scandal and Social Distancing
However, according to perennial whistle-blower and Furman insider, Snowden the Squirrel (pictured above), the administration is not being completely transparent about their COVID-19 numbers.
Seeking Abraham Update: Still Looking
According to the administration’s statement, Abraham has still not been found.
Furman Faculty Agree to be Paid in PPE
Members of Furman University’s faculty have purportedly agreed to forego their standard salaries this semester to be paid exclusively in personal protective equipment (PPE).
Furman Defunds The Paladin Due to Provocative Satire Articles
Furman University announced today that it would defund The Paladin, Furman’s relatively independent student newspaper, after its board refused to stop publishing thought-provoking satire articles.